My Little World10

well, im bored and a little depressed, shouldnt be really considering how easy my life is and how stupid im beginning to sound, so sumone gave me the idea of writing my ramblings down - im not intending for ppl to be interested in me, i just need to write it all down i reckon

why do i feel crap?

is it homesickness? nope, im partially food deprived at uni but i dont get homesick, not much to miss any more i guess

my old girlfriend? we were seperated by several thousand miles (she lives in wellington, new zealand) and not being able to be with her is hard, do i love her?? i dont bloody know! i dont know whether i should be looking for sumone else or should i wait for the next few years? im stuck in durham for the next few years, shud i maybe look for sumone else and not get particularly serious?

ill admit the lack of sex isnt helping, im not really feeling anything for any girls particularly but i miss the company, there are some that i wud be interested in but im not sure...argghhh!

friends? ive made friends, just like everyone else but im not the sort of person who trusts easily, ive only known these people for a few weeks and dont really feel close to anyone yet...i hope i can soon, i like to mingle, meet lots of new people, but as term goes on people become more involved with their own little groups and arent as willing as i am

work? the work is definitely getting on my nerves, its lots of reading and assignments to write and its hard for me to muster the effort to do it....this definitely isnt the only problem at the mo though, i think i need someone to just share stuff with

freedom? i feel trapped at uni, i miss earning money, travelling and spending my cash on fun stuff, my new friends seem to mainly find fun in drinking and loud music, i prefer smaller gatherings and being able to talk to people and ordering takeouts, driving around etc

meeting new females is just confusing me, some i only like as friends altho i think some fancy me when i dont want them to...groan, and others i think might be interested in me but i dont know what i shud do, ive been letting time take its course and havent really felt that much for anyone, and some i think i might be interested dont seem interested in me...im bloody clueless

what else? i think thats it, i never thought id be bogged down by such stupid issues, ive always watched other people get so upset and involved with boyfriends and girlfriends but ive always been detached, tried to rise above what are in the end pointless things to get stressed over, it used to be much easier to just be happy with what i had! but what do i have anymore, what do i want?

ill see how i feel in a few days, reading this later might help - who knows, maybe im just lonely, it took how many words to come to that conclusion??!