My Little World10

it's been a while, i did post a few weeks ago about how poor women's football is but bloody blogspirit went nutty on me and i lost the rather long spiel and got annoyed, and haven't repeated the feeling (i post on reaction so if i get over something  before i get around to the comp i don't post)

so how am i? well i'm a bit fed up

uni is just about to start again, which is a good thing mostly, but on the one hand i have to work on my dissertation which i really cant get into yet, which is really irritating me, so that's on my mind

then you've got the old women front (not 'old women', the old front), i've been saying for ages i don't care about women , too much hassle etc etc but being male it's bloody hard choosing celabacy (even when it's forced on you) - stupid testes, fed up of being unattractive

met some women the other night, only one was partiularly fit but i wasn't even trying, i was flirting but i always flirt with pretty much everyone and i just know she isn't interested in me so why bother (should be confident blah blah)

then one of my female friends is getting married and talking about finding someone to go to the wedding with, or meet someone there and just frankly it's depressing because I know nothing will happen - the future looks bleak 

and i do wonder if i give off the wrong impression, to everyone - i'm fairly cold but then some people (a small selection of women) think i'm sensitive, and i usually am in certain situations but for the most part in general company i'm cynical and apathetic and i wonder if i'm hiding behind a mask - acting the way i do comes naturally but i don't know if it's a good way to act, i know i'm defensive and have trust issues - i'm not a heart-on-sleeve person, i'm a 'rock' apparently, this seems to work fine for me usually but it's not the best way to get close to people, i think - somebody who i barely even know said i don't like getting too close to anyone, i think i understand why i'm that way but i miss being able to be free which i really only considered myself to be when i was abroad

listen to me carrying on, i sound pathetic - and that probably explains my problem, i think this sort of stuff is weak, which is why it only gets aired here and nowhere else, but carrying on about 'problems' and 'issues' to me feels weak, i'm a 'get over it' sort of person, not sure why but i seem to have good coping skills, which of course makes me socially inept, well when it comes down to it, i get on fine with women, moreso than men - welcome to the friend zone!

ARGH! answers/suggestions on a postcard (or a comment)