My Little World10

me and my sporadically updated blog are back - and this time i actually have something personal to write about, been a while...

well, at the weekend i had my last formal ball at uni, my flatmate invited one of his oldest (female) friends, who happens to be quite fit and who i get on with pretty well

then we get into soap-style drama territory, despite the fact that i arrived back at about 2 and they didn't come back til 3, she decided it would be a good idea to jump into my bed - i'll let your imagination fill in the rest, needless to say i got no sleep

now we were quite worried about my flatmate's reaction, he doesn't seem to mind and tbh she has done it with other friends before, so maybe we just watch too many tv shows - so that's not too bad

my main concern is where does it go from here? - she was drunk, drunker than me (but not drunk enough to not be able to bolt my door) but she was saying things like I 'meant more to her than she means to me' - it was confusing and she was drunk, i figure she fancies me, which is something i haven't been used to for a while, and i guess the fact that she jumped on me rather than me doing anything would suggest it was quite one-way - but i'm a bloke! and i wasn't exactly going to try it on with one of my best friend's best friends, there's always been something there - we flirt and seem to be pretty similar people but i've never sought to follow it up, i do like her but tbh i've never taken it that seriously, i don't fantasise about her or anything which seemed to be the level she was implying

i have at this point realised i am emotionally void, have been for a few years and i don't know if this will go any further - whether that means physical or relationship or something - unfortunately i can't really discuss it because to avoid awkwardness only my flatmate and one other friend  know what happened, we neglected to tell everyone else - and the other friend probably isn't the best to talk about this with considering the sexual tension between us (yes, i am great at creating sexual tension - the manifestations however are very rare)

and to top it off we leave uni in a month, so i won't be seeing much of her unless i go to visit my flatmate at his home, which i might do over summer

the good news is she's still talking to me online and seems quite flirty so i don't think she regrets it, and she was quite complimentary (i won't believe that just yet) so hopefully she still likes me, but i know she is fairly 'loose' - not to be too rude, she's not a slag or anything but i know she's quite active, meanwhile i'm stoic and unemotional so i don't know what the hell is going on - i feel quite bad about the whole 'i like you but you don't like me'

urgh, i don't know - just gotta move on i guess