My Little World10

well i just watched forrest gump, tis a very good movie indeed

its a film about, well a bloke, a very stupid bloke who achieves more than anyone else ever will

to me i think the point is that everyone is equal and capable and talented in their own way, forrest is about as stupid as you can get before retardation and yet his simple view on life is brilliant, he obviously has an excellent memory and practical skills, if nothing else

a lot of people would turn his innocence into something that becomes exploited by the world, or something about emotional scarring in childhood, but forrest just wanders through life - meeting presidents, vietnam, playing table tennis, fishing, runningand becoming a millionaire and suceeds with no ambition or desire

anyway good film, i need to be up early 

well i finally saw "the green mile" and i cant believe how ive missed watching such a great film for so long

admittedly it was very long but it kept me interested the whole way through and didnt drag at all, i didnt have a clue what i was expecting

i thought it would be all dramatic and serious, which it was but when the big dude started spewing death and reanimating mice i realised there was a small element of fantasy to it, this is the point where i realised it was a stephen king book but the whole mysterious magic part was very much one of its winning features, how interesting could you make death row with a few retards otherwise?

it raises a few questions as it goes on, mainly who the hell is this guy, the point being you never find out, im not sure if there's a jesus theme or not, i dont really go for looking for stuff that people believe the writer is trying to get across but the whole miracles and persecution seemed rather jesus-esque

i didnt really get why tom hanks thought he was being punished at the end, he felt guilty but he did offer to let the guy run free and he said he wanted to die - so why was hanks character at fault? maybe it's just a character thing, he couldn't forgive himself anyway and saw his long life as a punishment rather than an accident

anyway, a damn good film, up there with shawshank, which oddly enough is written and directed by the same people

i would do some trailer reviews but i cant get on the site at the mo 

yes it's time for my plagiarised (format - the rambling is all my own) trailer review section

1st: "how to eat fried worms....uhuh

hehe...as usual a film based on a good book looks pretty solid, this is a kids movie but i found it fairly humourous, from what i could see it had a few witty one liners and clever moments as well as ridiculous amounts of disgusting cuisine and pus bursting all over the place - one for every ten year old boy, and any adult as immature as me

the problem with kids movies is theyre often too pretentious and full of morals, this one does have a moral about standing up to bullies but its lighthearted and is more focused on the disgusting antics that kids love as well as a fair bit of tongue in cheek humour

would i watch it: yes but as usual with me (being lazy) im not going out of my way to go and watch it

##hey i just saw a trailer for that children of men film which i reviewed last week - i feel special# 

2nd: material girls...see i dont just go for stuff that looks good 

this is exactly what it says on the tin - a film about two rich girls who have to get a job and learn real life skills in a week or so, let's face it it's never gonna be 'clueless' is it? there's no heart in a film like this, it's just a chick flick spun out for teenage girls to watch, and the odd perv, it's got exactly the same jokes as films that involve spoilt little rich american girls (such as mean girls etc) - who knows i may be panning a comic classic, but i doubt it

verdict: nope unless a lot of people say its bloody hilarious...which it isn't 

3rd: Babel...oh look it's brad pitt

well this looks all very meaningful, it involves a foreign country (morocco, that's in africa, yanks) and some kids and a shot woman and a border crossing?? i have absolutely no clue what's going on...im gonna watch that again (maybe i shouldnt we watching champions league at the same time)

ok it also has some japanese people too, and it seems to be about misunderstanding and how stupid the world is...i'm intrigued so verdict: yes id watch this just because it looks clever and i like having to use my brain occasionally

i apologise to the person reading this (me) for sucking at reviewing but that film just looks very odd and what the hell can i tell from a trailer and a blurb - just watch it

4rd: running with scissors...there's that word "fall" again

this looks interesting, films with ridiculously disfucntional parents usually are, it seems to be about a kid telling his life story, how his parents go nuts and he gets adopted by his mothers shrink, who is rather eccentric (brian cox - he's good) and his rather strange (and fit) daughters and there seems to be several humourous events and moments

it seems to be a lighthearted look at...something? maybe just life in general but it looks good, possibly a sort of decent royal teneumbaums style thing (yes that film did suck and i dont care what anyone else says)

verdict: id watch it, and probably will but then a lot of films can go by unnoticed (especially by me) 

5th: a scanner darkly...its cartoon keanu

ok another weird one - this looks like some sort of play on orwell's big brother and something to do with drug abuse and lies and deceit, again looks like a good one 

i am really shit at this reviewing lark but oh well this is what i think and i dont see the need to build on it

verdict: id watch it, probably will 

i am such a tea leaf, i saw this blokes film reviews on the net and i said i want to do that (im giving him credit at least) - basically its reviews of trailers from the apple site, why only use the trailers i dunno but it sounds interesting

meanwhile theres a tv show about al-queada and (probably) why its all our fault - i dont care anymore, can't we just chop the world in two? sweep it all under the rug and such

first up: the queen!! (ours by the look of it)

what i was expecting: a biopic of the queens life, there's a small market for that sort of thing

what i got: some weird shit about the queens actions after dianas death with some sort of overtone that implied the queen was out of touch and all emotional about it 

personally a biopic of the queen wouldve interested me more, i have little interest in dianas death, it happened get over it (daily express im talking to you - actually i wonder if theyre involved in this film at all) 

at least it's not a yank exercise in poshness and the idea sounds ok - basically the struggle between the government and the public outcry for public mourning vs the royal family and its attempts to keep it a private affair

but then the acting looks fairly simplistic, they appear to speak every theme rather than let looks and mood do the talking and it doesn't look particularly intelligent, in short it looks poorly acted and dressed up for the masses

verdict: i won't be going near it (however i just saw my mother who said the queen was a bitch when diana died so maybe she should go see it - shes one of those people who cried when she died) 

next: the fountain 

the premise is about the fountain of youth mixed with some weird love story across a thousand years, so i guess it's sci-fi/fantasy genre

this just reviewing the trailers lark seems quite tough actually - the trailer didnt seem to give much away, i saw a sword fight and a big tree and a bald bloke

the idea could be quite clever - what would it be like to be immortal? but i doubt it is and it looks a bit strange

verdict: i probably would see it as i like that sort of thing, but im not gonna go out of me way 

next: transformers!!!! fuck yes! (this was my initial reaction, then i saw the trailer)  

that does not look like transformers? it said optimus prime but it doesnt look like my lost youth - it was only a short teaser and it had the date 7.4.7 which means what?? 7th of april? more likely it means 4th of july in yank language 

the premise: (from what i gather) beagle 2 apparently didnt crash on mars but was destroyed by a transformer, that's pretty much it - then it says "their war, our world" which sounds similar to alien versus predator, so thats off to a bad start already

however this does imply that there will be good and bad transformers (i want some decepticons and was it autobots who were the good guys?) because initially i thought they were going to be bastards and try to destroy humanity for waking them up but as long as i get my typical transformers plot line then ill be happy

verdict: ill watch it, and so will any other bloke in his 20s or 30s i would think, and then we'll all be disappointed because they ruined the characters and created some weird-arse story - itll be captain planet next (seriously these cartoons from my youth gets me and my mates highly excited)

##note## why the hell do americans say fall?? it's autumn!! are they so stupid that they have to rename a season by the events - wet, heat, fall and freeze perhaps??

anyway, next film is: "children of men"

premise: in the near future women have become infertile leading civilisation to go nuts as they realise the end of the world is nigh (the youngest person was 18 and looked like that little shit c. ronaldo) - i liked this at the start

then it started with the trademark love story, and some sort of back story about the main protagonists lost child...blurgh

and then came the obvious bit - a pregnant woman appears and now must be smuggled out to a boat with scientists on so they can create a better civilisation 

i like the idea, world descending into chaos and all that crap but then in throws in a suspense aspect with this race to get the pregnant bird to this boat which is there to pull in the punters and get some explosions in

verdict: probably would watch it, looks a bit corny in some areas though, hopefully not too americanised 

last but not least: the illusionist (im cheating, im picking ones that look a bit more interesting, i am not doing the ant bully, and im avoiding films that ive seen advertised or heard of already)

crap, it's a romance

basically it's about a magician who interests this posh bird and it seems to be all about forbidden love with some fancy magic tricks and dark overtones

looks fairly intelligent and not too cheesy, will probably come and go without notice

verdict: id watch it, maybe

im crap at this, this guy i saw writes an essay just on a trailer, but i just say it looks crap and move on - anyway, nearly finished ff2 

just watched garfield, i wasnt execting much to be honest but it turned out to be quite good

im not sure if garfield fans thought much of it, he's nowhere near as cynical as the real one and jon is far too happy and lucky but it is highly amusing at points and i think cat owners will appreciate garfield

some of the one liners and little tricks garfield does are quite clever, cant say i found the caper stuff that good, but thats the kiddie element i think and the dancing scene is bloody hilarious, just the look on his face cracks me up, his face is probably the funniest part of the whole film

the dog is pretty cute and funny as well, reminds me of my old dog 

in all i think the way he relates to my real cat is quite clever, stealing food, playing innocent, being a fat lazy bugger etc 

well worth a watch, and its only just over an hour long ..nice n easy

also - jennifer love hewitt is well fit

speaking of fit - there's a video of lindsay lohan in school uniform!! (its a harry potter spoof) dear sweet jesus my eyes nearly fell out.....argh!! much better than the sexless act she put on in mean girls 

yes it's review time! i have seen 2 epics this week - mean girls and final fantas: spirits within (woooooo)

firstly, mean girls - ok, first a note to say that the only reason i watched this was because i realised how fit lindsay lohan is and figured it would be worth a look

but somehow that film sapped all the sexiness out of short skirts and low cut tops, therefore making it unappealing to me - it wasn't unwatchable, but also not worth wasting money on

- basic premise is new girl, who is stunningly beautiful and completely naive about american school makes friends with geeky art/gay types, who get her to join the bitches that all american high schools have (according to movies) - she becomes like the bitches inadvertantly as she tries to win a characterless bloke and sabotage the bitches power base, she gets in trouble, her real friends getted pissed at her, and it all ends happily ever after once she realises the importance of maths

ok, onto final fantasy - i knew this film sucked, it was the biggest bomb of all time or something (hence why it ended up on channel 5) but as a final fantasy fan i was determined to see it for myself regardless

was it watchable? yes...was it worth the effort? no

ill look at it from two angles, the film angle and the FF angle

filmwise - despite having alec baldwin (team america...fuck yeah) and james woods it was pretty poor and lacklustre, the storyline (big meteor from dead planet contains angry ghosts which kill stuff, dr. person works it out and turns the spirits good etc etc) didnt really make sense and it seemed it was hastily created just as an excuse to piss about with revolutionary cgi

FF-wise - i am not a hardcore fan, i love the games usually but im not the sort of person that gets all anal about why or why not it's final fantasy - for me it's not final fantasy, but im not going to slate it for that

so why not? well for one no swords!! there has to be swords! it was set on earth and in big cities like new york etc no decent airships, no weird non-human things (bar alien ghosts), no manically evil antagonist, too many guns and stuff and there were no decent characters

it did have a Cid (altho it was Sid for some reason) - and it was clearly attempting to copy FF7's storyline with the whole planet energy and life force etc and even a meteor - didnt work and it was nearly as confusing as the actual FF7 (trust me it was not lifestream and mako that made that game a classic)

i appreciate its hard to make a game into a film, but there was almost no correlation between the FF series and that film - hence why the fans hated it, maybe if it hadnt been named "final fantasy" it may have made profit, it was just a typical apocalyptic sci-fi flick with spaceships and aliens and a cheesy love story

how about making an ff7 film (as in actual ff7, not 2 years afterwards)? a remake of the game? (did i ever review advent children?) i would buy a remake of ff7 even if it sucked (and cost 20 quid or less) just because of what it is, ive gone on about this before somewhere...

anyway, time for italy to looooooossssseeee!!! 

yes, a raccoon - voiced by bruce willis

i found 'over the hedge' rather good, despite being a kids movie and offering no intellectual challenge or mature storyline (pah - who needs such things), i do like the odd kids movie, they tend to be the best stuff to watch on long haul flights and if theyre decent then theyre usually pretty good (hence why they're decent i guess)

it had some good lines - i particularly enjoyed the one about suv's (what does that even stand for - special utility vehicle or summat??) - "how many people does that carry? usually...uh..one" - you had to be there i guess lol

and there were several other amusing points that i now forget, i dont care much for the moral of the story about family and the truth and such but youve gotta have that stuff in a kids flick i guess, i just enjoy the cheap humour

this leads me onto my main point - do i (or anyone else) like a film because im predisposed to want to like it, i knew it had bruce willis and william shatner in it - i like bruce willis, mainly because of die hard and from his interviews he seems pretty cool, so have i gone into that film saying "this is going to be good" and therefore i came out saying "that was good"???

for example, say i hated bruce willis, or mike myers (for shrek) - would i be going in saying its shit because i dislike them, and then coming out hating it? likewise for reviews - if im told its shite will i think its shite or if im told its good vice versa - id like to think im not a sheep and can make my mind up - i like going to films where i dont have a clue beforehand (such as the hills have eyes - i didnt have a clue about that and i came out loving it)

im confused - i should seek opinions